I'll have a coke please, no rum

I'm going to need a lot of help from God this next year.

There are several reasons my religious beliefs are going to be tested and depended on for my final year of college, but as of right now there is only one thing on my mind that is going to test me, I'm going to struggle with it, and I'm going to have to pray to God for as much help as He is willing to provide to avoid myself from any slip-ups.

Starting today, I have decided to remain sober for one year.

Before you jump to conclusions, I would like to defend myself in saying that I don't have a drinking problem. I am not dependent on alcohol, I don't drink very often, and when I do drink it is very rare that I drink enough to the point of drunkenness. I won't lie and say I have been an innocent angel when it comes to drinking; I have been drunk, I do enjoy getting tipsy, and I realize that giving up alcohol will be a struggle because I have attempted this feat a few times before, all resulting in failure. Of course this time I am hoping I have the right motivation and willpower to break my unfortunate quitting streak.

So why have I decided to give up alcohol? If I am not dependent on it, I don't drink very often, and now I am at the golden age of 21 where I can finally stop worrying about getting busted by the cops for underage drinking, what has pushed me to decide that for one year I want nothing to do with the drug?

You could guess that it has to do with health reasons. While alcohol isn't exactly going to kill you, there's no denying that it does take a toll on the body. Perhaps I've decided I want to be nicer to my liver or to save myself from empty calories while my metabolism is still on my side. Or you could assume it has to do with financial reasons. Alcohol is expensive. I thought I knew that beforehand, but my six-week stay in England reassured me just how costly it is for a few drinks at a bar. While others didn't seem to mind wasting £20 (about $30) on a night's worth of drink, the thought of spending that much money on alcohol made me cringe. $30 could be a new pair of heels! And because my England trip left me in such a terrible financial state (I believe I haven't been this poor since I was 10), giving up alcohol because of its cost does seem like a pretty wise choice.

While these are good reasons to go on this one-year ban of alcohol, and I'm sure they will help keep me in check while I attempt this, they are not the major reason I am doing this. In fact, the reason I am doing this is actually pretty simple. It all boils down to one little word.

Love.

It's not my place to delve into details as to where this all started, so I will make this brief. My boyfriend has never touched a drop of alcohol because alcoholism runs in his family. And despite not drinking on his 21st birthday and being able to make it through three years of college without caving, he has recently told me that the devil on his shoulder has him thinking that maybe it's not all that bad. Maybe he's being too cautious, that just because he tries it doesn't mean he will end up on the road to alcoholism. And now that his girlfriend and his closest friends are all legally allowed to enjoy alcohol, the temptation to say "the hell with it," has been stronger than ever.

This of course breaks my heart. And scares the shit out of me.

Our talks of alcohol have come up more frequently and every time I talk to him it's the same as it was before: he tries to understand what the appeal is in drinking, why I do drink, what's so great about being drunk (which in my opinion is nothing), etc., while I'm on the other end of the line trying frantically to come up with the right words to express to him why he shouldn't drink, why I have a much better time with him sober than I ever do under any influence of alcohol, and how proud I am of him for standing his ground after all this time. But no matter how hard I try, the conversations keep coming back up, and it seems he is slowly creeping towards throwing in the towel.

If it's not obvious by now, writing is what I want to do with my life. It’s my major and it's my passion, it's what I obsess over and dream of all the time. I have this strong belief in the power of words, and I believe that when used carefully and intellectually, they can have a strong influence on a person and his or her life. But I also strongly believe in the saying "actions speak louder than words." And since we continue to have the same conversation over and over, I've realized words are failing me right now. Talking is doing no good. I can never convince him that alcohol isn't as great as everyone makes it out to be while I continue to crack open a beer. The only way he is going to believe me is if I show him. And the only way to show him how awesome alcohol isn't is to not drink it myself.

This isn't going to be easy. As I said before I've already attempted this and I've failed. But I have a strong hope and determination to succeed this time. This time I'm not doing it for myself. I'm not trying to prove a point (well, okay I am, but indirectly). This time there is a fear in my heart, a fear that I will watch my boyfriend will crumble under these false impressions of alcohol left in his mind and I know if it does happen I will be partially to blame. I know that he is his own being and I cannot stop him from doing what he wants. But I have hope, this strong hope that maybe if I'm not drinking, that will be enough to influence him to stay sober. I don't know that for sure, but I'm hoping that that small possibility will help me stick to my goal.

I hate saying this, even before I type it I dread writing it because it is such a cliché. But the truth of the matter is I'm doing this for love. I love this boy and I don't want one small slip-up to have a domino effect that will affect him for the rest of his life. And perhaps if that isn't enough, that I desire to have a drink despite all that I've just written about, then I am putting my trust in the Lord, that His love for the both of us will keep me from putting one ounce of alcohol to my lips.

So here's to a year of sobriety, here's to a year of love.