So Right (or not) (2/90)

I'm always flattered when one of my friends says it to me they wish they had what I have when it comes to a relationship. Which happened today when I received an e-mail from a friend who needed to talk about what was going on in their love life. I read what they had to say and gave my best response.

The key word here is response.

I think this friend was asking for advice. They didn't say it, but they explained what they planned on doing and wanted a reaction out of me. Whether it be reassurance or something else, I know this friend wanted to at least know what I was thinking. And I told them.

But I didn't give them advice. I don't believe in that.

I've only had one boyfriend and it's serious, so for starters I don't think I have too much advice to offer. I can only give my perspective on what I've experienced. I've never dated any other guy for an extensive period of time and I have no idea what it's like to go through a break-up. I can only go off of what I know and that's only what I've dealt with in my relationship with Joe.

Some would say that means I have great advice to offer. That if my first relationship has lasted this long and is going strong, then I know a thing or two about relationships. As much as I would like to believe that, quite frankly I find it bullshit. Yeah, I know what works for Joe and I, and I know what doesn't. And maybe it's ridiculous to pull out the "fate" card, but I do believe a certain amount of luck and just the right timing played a part. But I certainly don't think that I am in any position to offer love advice.

And to be honest, I really don't think anyone is.

I've been asking for advice about guys since probably the sixth grade. And as crushes have come and gone, friends have changed, and I've gotten older, I've realized one thing is for certain: Everybody has a different piece of offer. And usually every person thinks they're right.

And I mean this in all areas of dating someone. From pursuing a guy, to dating him, to the L word, and more. I've had friends tell me that "he's a jerk and you're right to be upset" and other friends say "you're overreacting, it's not that big of a deal." I have friends who believe a guy should always pursue a girl and other friends who think if a girl wants a guy she needs to step her game up and go after him. I have friends who will save themselves for marriage and others who believe if you love someone you should be able to express that as soon as you feel it. I have friends who will go on date after date to find the right guy, while others remain carefree and enjoy the single life. To sum it up, every person is different.

I know I'm stating the obvious, but with that said every relationship is different as well. There is no single piece of advice that can be applied in every situation. I can't tell a friend what to do because I am different from him/her, and they're situation is different from mine. I'll try to find similarities, something that can be related to, but in a nutshell I'm usually just offering perspective. I'm trying to no longer offer advice. There is nothing I can say that is better or worse than anyone else's.

To my friends who read my blog, don't take this as me saying that I won't talk to you about your relationship dilemmas. I'm always willing to talk about relationships and if you want my perspective, I'll certainly give it to you. But I also hope you know that I'm not right. No one you listen to is right. Your situation is always going to be different than anyone else's. The solution to your problems is only something you can figure out on your own. But I'm always here to talk and listen. Lord knows I'll always be turning to you guys for your thoughts and opinions.

I hope for the best for my friend who is having this relationship issue. While I can't tell them what to do or what will work, I'm flattered that they feel comfortable coming to me to talk about what's going on and that their goal is to be in that kind of relationship I'm in. Joe and I aren't perfect, and our relationship certainly will never be, but hey, we must be doing something right.