Ignoring Yiayia

I met an old friend for ice cream today. I've known her for at least a decade, as she is my pastor's daughter, and over time she became a good friend. In high school she was the girl I would call up when I was having boy troubles. We'd offer one another advice and dreamed of what life could be like with the man we'd call "the one."

Catching up with her today was no different from back then. She told me of the sexy young lad she is teaching English to and I updated her on my relationship. Naturally, she asked about our future, the one thing that remains a big question mark. I told her that with him moving to Milwaukee for grad school, and having to be there for at least 6 years to get his doctorate, Milwaukee is my goal. But then she also went out on a limb and asked a question very few people have asked me: Are you going to live with him?

I've assumed that no one has asked me this question for two reasons: 1) When I tell them "I am planning on moving to Milwaukee to be with my boyfriend" they automatically assume we'd be residing in the same location. 2) They're too afraid to ask or they don't want to know. I have been vague either way. Moving to Milwaukee does not mean I will be living with him. Nor does it mean I won't be. Either way, I could not avoid her straight-forwardness.

So I went with being honest. Yes, I told her. I want to live with him.

Of course, luckily for me, even though she is the pastor's daughter she has a very open mind. She understands my desire to live with him; she also understands my concerns about living with him. Either way, she does not judge me. And in that I was reminded of why she is such a good friend.

Unfortunately, I doubt everyone in my circle of family and friends will feel the same way. Some have been very supportive; specifically those who are wishing to live with their significant other. Some are apathetic, such as my father, who said, "Eh, I don't care. It's your life. Do what you want." And then there are those who are against it. This would be my mother. Although her exact response was "Um, I have mixed feelings about it," (which is code for I don't support this at all), she gave me the same wide-eyed look of shock as the time I accidentally said the F word in front of her (oops).

So in hopes of avoiding all of those against (except for my mother) I decided I would not share with people my exact plans. I would not tell them that I am already planning out how I could help pay for the rent, or that we've discussed who would take care of what household duties, or where we would get the necessary furniture. Nope. The plan was to be vague and avoid all Milwaukee details until I could avoid them no longer.

But today I decided - I don't care.

A friend recently wrote a blog recalling an encounter which when told to in person made me laugh to the point tears welled in my eyes. It was funny because he tells of a moment he is terrified of being judged. And in his blog he quoted my professor who said, "You are always being judged. Always." My friend's take from the matter was that you should be careful about what you say and do, because someone is always judging you.

This is true. And perhaps I should be more aware of the things I say and do. I do care about what people think, especially those who are close to me. Sometimes I care too much. But with this? I don't care at all.

I have several reasons for my desire to live with him. And I could list them, but I won't. Because I don't think I need to justify to anyone my reasons for a personal decision. It's take it or leave it, but telling me you don't agree isn't going to stop me (as my Mom has come to understand).

To some, I am making a bigger deal out of this than I should be. It's not unusual for couples to live together before marriage. Some might say it's smart - you get a test run at marriage and if it doesn't work out, there's no messy divorce to deal with. But I suppose it feels like a big deal to me, because I was not suppose to end up in this situation. I was a good Christian girl who was suppose to stick to her religious beliefs.

But beliefs, and morals, can change.

I guess what I'm afraid of is a "Yiayia" reaction. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmD-wDEeOds&feature=relmfu .While I don't think anyone is going to tell me I am going to hell, I don't think everyone will be supportive.

I am always being judged. And I don't care. If I try to care about what everyone thinks of every decision I make all the time, I will run myself into the ground. I am not perfect. The decisions I make are not perfect. And for all I know, moving in with him could be the greatest mistake of my life. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. Regardless of what anyone thinks.