Middletown, USA

The impossible, and I do mean the impossible, happened to me yesterday. As I was sitting in a Mexican restaurant with a former and current intern for lunch, I gazed out the window at the streets of Cincinnati and thought, "I miss Muncie."

You, or I guess in this situation, I, never thought I would see the day I missed Muncie. Miss my friends? Absolutely. Ball State? For sure. But Middletown, America? Nope. Never.

When I first traveled to Muncie it was "hate at first sight." I had no immediate connection to the city or anything that went on there. And the more I explored it, which I did often on runs, the more I realized my disgust for it.

I'm not quite sure what it is about Muncie I despise. There are a lot of things I can point out that I don't like, such as all the potholes, the lack of attractions, the "White" River, the run-down areas and specific spots that I avoid at all costs. Quite frankly Ball State is the only part of Muncie I found pleasing. As I often say to my friends, had I known what Muncie was really like before attending Ball State, I probably would've passed and settled for an education at a different school with a prettier location. I'm glad I didn't, but that's how much I dread Muncie, Indiana.

I suppose I just never felt a real connection with Muncie and for me that's a problem. I have been in a constant search for the perfect place to live for as long as I can remember. I longed for the days my family and I would travel to New York where I could gaze out at Lake Erie and breathe in the fresh air. I'd count down the days to visit my grandparents in Pittsburgh, where we would sled down its infamous hills in the winter and take only a 10 minute drive to see the sights of the Steel City. I feel a deep connection when I am in those two places. I suppose you could say I feel right at home.

I never felt the right at home feeling with Muncie. At least not when I was living there. I loved the afternoons where I would watch Muncie disappear in my rearview as I drove onward to Ohio. When I returned to Muncie, I would quite literally sigh and think to myself, "Well, here I am again." The only thing I look forward to when returning to Muncie was the people - I never looked forward to the actual place.

After my freshman year I hoped that my feelings toward Muncie would change, but they never did. Day after day and month after month I found myself looking forward to the day I would be free from the city. And just a few weeks ago that day came.

I did feel relief leaving Muncie. I felt happy knowing I would never have to live there again unless I so choose. Muncie is officially in my past - and I have no intentions of it being in my future.

But yesterday my relief and happiness subsided. As I sat in that Mexican restaurant, nostalgia hit me. The two interns were not my ball state friends. The food, the same dish I ordered week after week at Puerto Vallarta's, did not taste the same. And as I looked out the window at the streets of Cincinnati, the place I so often associate as my home, I did not feel at home.

I got what I wanted. I am out of Muncie, back in my beloved Cincinnati, with the opportunity of learning more about this writing career I am attempting to take on. It's a shame I miss what I had all along.

I don't regret my feelings toward Muncie. I know I probably would have never fully appreciated it if I stayed in the city. The only thing I wish I could take back is all the time I spent moping and bickering about it, when I could've been appreciating the few things it did have to offer: the irreplaceable memories that have helped shape me into the person I am today. Those are the parts of Muncie I will remember, those are the parts of Muncie I love.