Hey Jealousy

Today's blog is about being in a relationship. So if you're not into reading my thoughts and feelings on boyfriends, relationships, and the like, then I suggest you skip out on reading this.

I don't want to be the jealous girlfriend. I never thought I would be. I never thought it would bother me for my boyfriend to hang out with other girls. Especially if they are just friends and they are well aware that he's in a relationship. After all, I have guy friends whom I hang out and it's no big deal. Joe and I trust each other.

But let's face it: I'm the jealous girlfriend.

But what bothers me is not that girls want to hang out with my boyfriend. What bothers me is that I don't feel respected for being his girlfriend when they do. And what I mean by that is that I never hear from these girls if it's okay to hang out with my boyfriend. And I never hear them ask Joe if I'd be okay with it. Joe asks me if I'm okay with it, but that's on his own part. I have never heard him double check because the girl wanted to know.

I realize I might sound slightly psychotic in saying that. I am a slightly psychotic person though. But before you jump to the conclusion that I have trust problems or that I'm just a crazy uptight type-A girlfriend, let me defend myself.

In almost every situation I would never deny a girl from hanging out with my boyfriend. Most of these girls that do hang out with him are close friends of mine as well. Or they were friends with Joe before we started dating. So it probably doesn't even occur to them that maybe it would bother me if they hung out with him, nonetheless check with me to see if it's okay. And in most situations it doesn't bother me. Or does it? If I've been thinking about it enough for me to blog about it then maybe I do have issues with girls hanging out with my boyfriend.

Ok. Fine. I do.

I just don't understand why they have to hang out with him. I remember last year when Joe and I were just best friends. I don’t ever remember some girls hanging out with him one on one. Mostly because I was the one hanging out with him. I remember girls hanging out with him when I was around him. Then again, maybe I don't remember because I wasn't his girlfriend and therefore I wasn't jealous.

Still. I feel like something changed since Joe and I started dating.

Maybe girls realized what I realized last May. How great of a guy he is. How much fun is he to be around. Maybe just maybe they regret not having the chance to date him with when they could.

Or maybe that's just me wishing that to comfort my own insecurities. Not with Joe. But with girls.
There is something else that this does touch on. It goes outside the relationship. It goes outside of liking someone as more than just friends and boils right back down to the core of all of this: friendship.

I think I'm jealous of Joe and his friendships.

Think about it. There are more girls wanting to hang out with him than me. He gets more texts from people asking for advice or someone to listen to them than I do. Grant it, I do have a core group of friends who rely on me and turn to me. I love that. But it seems at college I don't have that. I don't have people asking to hang out with me one on one like Joe seems to. A lot of times I'm waiting around from him to return from hanging out with someone. Instead of just admitting that it's about friendship, I turn it into something to do with my relationship.

So I guess I just solved my own problem. It's not about girls hanging out with Joe. It's me. And my friendships, or lack thereof. I'm not jealous of these girls…I'm jealous of my boyfriend.

Still, it wouldn't hurt if one of these girls would just ask me just once.