Time (3/90)

24 hours. That's right, 24 hours. A whole day to get a ton of stuff checked off my to-do list so that I can be stress free the entire week. Wanna know how much I actually accomplished? Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Ugh.

I've always been a procrastinator but I swear it's never been to this extent. I may not get a lot accomplished somedays, but here was one of those awesomely rare days where I literally had NOTHING going on. Time, for once, was on my side. I could've woken up in the early morning and powered through the day. Could've hit the sack early and slept a wonderful 8 hours, only to repeat and do it all again. Could've been productive and finish the day on a high note of feeling good about myself for accomplishing so many things.

Key word here is "could've". The truth is, "didn't."

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand why I can't sit and study for at least an hour. Or write. Or work on something, anything. It could've been packing, or cleaning, or working out, etc. Instead all I did was study briefly before my HSC final (the briefly part was definitely a mistake...oh well) and the rest of the day was spent hanging out with people and talking about all the work I should be doing.

I could make excuses for myself. It's true I did not feel well today. After taking care of Joe these past few days, I'm fairly certain I caught what he had. Woke up with a slight sore throat. Then felt dizzy and nauseous. Then a wave of feeling fatigue and feverish spread over me. But really, I could've mustered through it. After I went to back to Joe's house to hang out I began feeling much better. Maybe I'm, what's that word? The word for people who believe their sick when they're not? (googling...) A ha! Hypochondriac. Maybe I'm that.

Or maybe I'm sick with something else. I'm getting a similar feeling of what I had last year during the last week of school. It's that wave of sadness in realizing you're not going to see some of your favorite people for awhile. That feeling of having to leave everyone and bid them temporary goodbyes. The feeling of going home and missing your life here at college.

Homesick.

But not for home. Not for the red-brick house in the suburbs of Cincinnati. Not for my best friends from high school. Not for my family and pets. Not for all of the things I hold very close to my heart because they're apart of me. I'm homesick for the life I have right now. I'm homesick for college.

I have never been a fan of goodbyes. Ever. I'm one of those people who have a very difficult time of leaving something, especially people, in my past. I've learned that there quite a few people out there who don't understand this. They don't understand why you can't just accept things and move on. Why you can't just leave the bad behind and move forward with the good. The truth is, I don't understand it either. But I can't help it. I can't explain all the countless times I've tried to save something from it's ultimate death. Whether it's a relationship or an experience, or even just caring about something. Moving on has always been a fear for me and yet I've never quite understood why.

And here I am again, having to move on. It's not even a permanent move on. I will surely keep in touch with all of my college friends. Joe and I are planning a trip to new york. And in three short months I know I will be right back here in this town called Muncie, ironically probably wishing I was still in Ohio, or New York, or England, enjoying the freedom of summer.

But that's three months down the road. Right here, right now, I'm already feeling homesick for it.

I've found the best medicine for homesickness is to surround yourself with people. The people that make you smile. The people that make you forget. The people who help wash away the sickness your feeling because you're too caught up in enjoying the moment with them. The people who are ultimately going to be the reasons why you're homesick in the first place. Because you so dearly miss them.

I may not have gotten much accomplished today. I may not have studied for finals like I should've, or edited my magazine pieces, or packed and cleaned some more, etc. But I did spend time with some of the people I love the most. I laughed and talked and returned to my dorm room with a smile on my face because I immensely enjoyed the previous hours. Even though nothing spectacular happened, just being with these people made my day. Much more than a checked-off to-do list ever could.

I have a created a set schedule for the rest of the week to accomplish everything I need to do. I will stick with it. I learned my lesson from today...I don't want to feel like a total bum. But at the same time, I don't regret the time I spent today. I don't regret being surrounded by some of my favorite people. I have always felt that people are much more important than anything else. More important than grades, or jobs, maybe even your biggest dreams. Because what is college if it just trying to get the best grades and a long, checked-off list of to-dos? 10 years from now I'm not going to remember this week. I'm not going to remember how I did on my finals. But I am going to remember the memories I've made with my friends. And at the end of the day, that's all that really matters to me.

Maybe I'm just out of my mind...thinking about time.