Love is Patient...

Love is patient. And I am horrible at it.

This weekend was the test for patience on pretty much every level I could think of. I lost patience with my boyfriend. I lost patience with myself. I lost patience with my professor, an editor, friends, and... am I forgetting anyone? Oh, well, I did lose patience with my Mom today. Oh and Ball State. I lost patience with the university too.

I thought I learned patience when I was in England. Mainly because it was forced. In a country where waitresses don't take your order until 15 minutes after you're seated and where transportation was relied on trains and buses, I did my fair share of waiting. I also thought I learned a deeper level of patience. I wasn't able to see my family, friends, and boyfriend for six weeks. I had to wait until the afternoon before I could contact them due to time difference. I had to wait til certain scheduled days and times to skype with my boyfriend. I had to be patient in most aspects of communication.

And if all of that wasn't enough, those three days of Birmingham hell should've done the trick. When you are stuck in a city and literally just waiting three days for a flight to get you home, you learn patience. Well, sort of. I was forced to be patient but I bitched about it every minute I was there and hated those 72 hours. So maybe that's why I'm this way. I learned patience only to lose it.

But regardless of the patience I experienced in England, I am back in America and am having to pursue this virtue again. And it would be great if I learned it very quickly.

This past weekend when I went camping I did more than just argue with my friends about alcohol. I also was able to open up to them and let them know some things they didn't already know. One thing they learned: after 11 months, my boyfriend still hasn't said he loves me.

I'm not a relationship expert, but I know how I feel and I can't forget my friends expressions when I confessed this little secret to them. They were shocked. Literally. They seemed worried and concerned. After finding out I said it six months ago and that nothing has been said, I got the sympathetic, "How do you feel?" "Are you okay?"

Which of course tore me up for the rest of the weekend. After realizing again that how I feel towards my boyfriend isn't the same way he feels towards me, it just ate away at me. So after talking to several friends and thinking more on it I realized it was time to have a talk.

I talked to him today. I feel better, even though I'm still confused. I'm not afraid of my relationship falling apart, but I am wondering when he is going to be on the same page as me. I can't help but wonder, where is the line between being patient and being hopeful?

Am I just hoping one day he'll wake up and realize he loves me? Or am I being a good girlfriend who is patiently waiting?

I sound a little pathetic either way. But I think most people "in love" seem a little pathetic anyway.

At the end of the day, I'd like to think I'm both. I'd like that I have high hopes for the future of my relationship. I also like to think that I'm learning the patience it takes to love someone.

Love is patient. I'm hoping God will help teach me that.