The Ugly Truth

If I felt any temptation of breaking my one year of no alcohol, that ended this weekend.

It was Saturday night and my friends "kidnapped" me to go back to their camp ground at Mounds State Park. I didn't protest to this. Joe was out of town for a wedding, half of my friends were at a football game, and the rest were at this camping trip. I chose to have fun and enjoy a night out with my friends and bond with them without having to worry about the boy. So I went.

Before leaving though, two of my friends decided to hit up the liquor store and asked me what I liked. I won't lie; there was this moment of "Joe's not in town, he's not going to know nor care, what's the big deal if I enjoy a drink with my friends." But as I pondered over whether I really want to break my one-year commitment after only one month of alcohol freedom, another friend told me he wasn't going to drink. I explained the pledge I had made to myself (a pledge I hadn't told anyone about because ironically in my case when I tell people about my goals I have a tendency not to go through with them. I need to prove things to myself on my own). But I told him about my pledge and he agreed that we would be non-drinking buddies and hold one another accountable for a sober night. Awesome.

So when we arrived at the camp ground I didn't expect (but wasn't surprised) to have an opened bottle of woodchuck placed in my hand. I wasn't sure whether to be upset with my friends or flattered. One on hand they wanted be to have a good time and were giving me this bottle of alcohol as a gift. On the other hand, they knew I had told them I didn't want to drink for the night, and offering me alcohol wasn't very supportive. To be fair, these friends didn't know about my pledge either and they are very well aware that I have had no problem downing a beer or two in the past. In their eyes, what they did was nice. I just unfortunately could not accept it.

In my defense I explained my one year alcohol ban to help Joe, which of course required explaining how Joe has considered actually drinking alcohol. What I expected out of my friends was sympathy towards Joe and concern for his well-being and health. Instead I found looks of excitement on their faces, particularly one of my friends, knowing that Joe might be jumping on the college bandwagon and would finally get to experience a so-called "good time".

This both pissed me the hell off and scared the living daylights out of me.

After seeing their reaction, or really the one friend's reaction that sent my blood pressure soaring, I immediately jumped into my explanation of reasons why Joe shouldn't drink. The history of family alcoholism (which they were aware of). The fact that because it is so prominent in his family, his chances of becoming an alcoholic are higher. The fact that I talked to my health professor who agreed I should be concerned, the fact that I listened to alcoholics discussing their struggle when I had to attend an AA meeting for my Drugs and Health class...it's an ugly road I don't want to see anyone go down, especially the person I love.

But my friends wouldn't believe it. "It's situational" they say. Sure, just because Joe's chances of becoming an alcoholic are higher doesn't mean that he'll become one. And I don't disagree with that. But I do think that it's not worth the risk. I do think that it's honestly stupid of my friends to want my boyfriend to drink because they want him to have a "better time" than he's been having when it's possibly putting him in harm's way. I think my friends downplay alcohol and forget that it is an actual DRUG that for some people can be very ADDICTIVE. It's not just some beverage that you drink to feel happy.

And what upsets me even more is not the fact that they're not supporting me, but they're not supporting Joe. This whole time I thought my friends thought higher of him, respected him because for three years of college he's been able to go without the one drug most students try. I thought they understood his reasoning for not drinking and they were supportive and understanding of that. I thought they were on his side.

Now because of my stupid mouth, I feel like I've just made things even more difficult for my boyfriend. Now I'm afraid at the next party we'll go to my friends will be pushing drinks into both our hands. I thought my friends were different than most college students. I know they drink and they like it, but at the end of the day I really thought they believed you didn't need a drink in your hand in order to have a good time. Realizing how wrong I am just makes me heart a sink a little. I honestly feel sorry for them.

Before I was thinking that this year was going to be my struggle. Over this past month I have considered breaking my promise and I began to realize that I first needed to convince myself that alcohol isn't that great if I wanted to convince Joe that. Well, fortunately it didn't take a year, it only took a month. Never before have I been more certain how pathetic it is for college students to rely on alcohol. And never before have I felt so damn determined to prove them wrong.